Tuesday, 2 September 2008

Chupathingy. What exactly is Rick Moranis up to these days? And one third of lions, tigers and bears oh my!

You know the thing I love about summer? Well outside of the warm weather, the thwack of leather against willow, and watching the beautiful people stroll by and ignore me on the beach, summer is usually the time of year when the world's media goes monster crazy. Thank Vishnu this year was no exception. And so below we have some of my favourite stories from around the globe in the past couple of months.

First off we have this little gem from Texas. Dewitt County to be precise. Which happens, by happy coincidence, to be the county in which Cuero is located. If Cuero sounds familiar it's because about a year ago the media descended on the sleepy town en masse after a local resident claimed to have found the dead body of something that might, just might, enjoy eating goats. Maybe.

That's right folks, it's Chupacabra time again. Looking exactly like a pit bull, warthog, demon mutt from the gates of hell this little ripper was caught on camera by a police officer out on a routine drive. (Gee note: By the way, this would be one hell of an episode of COPS don't you think? “We were out on a regular patrol when Officer Smith spotted a vampire dog”. Trust me, Fox should be all over this concept. Devil hounds = ratings).

My favourite part of the news item is when the reporter references the Cuero case as being “some kind of coyote”. Wow. That's a wealth of information on offer right there. Some kind of coyote you say? Well I'm glad I watch television instead of doing actual research. Now I know everything there is to know, and in record time too. You've saved me a whole, ooooh, 30 seconds of looking stuff up. God bless you intrepid news team, your professionalism knows no bounds.

New York's not normally a place you'd associate with real monsters, despite the fact that King Kong, Zilla, and Clover have all torn up the place on the silver screen. That all changed on July 29 this year when the website “Gawker” picked up a local story from The Independent newspaper. Basically the story goes that instead of being home in Sigourney Weaver's fridge shouting “Zool!” to its heart's content, a strange looking creature found its final resting place on a beach in Long Island. It lay there for a couple of hours until “someone took it away” (Gee note: It's amazing how sinister those four simple words sound isn't it? Brings up all kinds of images of men in black and unmarked vans. Much more effective at keeping the mystery surrounding the beast alive than “Fat Bob slung it in to the back of his pick up truck and took it home thinking he could make a quick buck with a 'Montauk Monster Novelty Theme Shop'.”).

So without a body to test the world, and by “world” I really mean nerds the world over, have sprung in to action trying to prove or disprove what the animal actually is. So what is it? A Turtle? A Raccoon? The Gatekeeper? I have no idea. But it looks really cool none the less.

And finally something a little closer to home. Belfast, Northern Ireland. Home of Victorian architecture, a rich history, and.... a lion??? Panic gripped the city yesterday as members of the public spotted a “large sandy coloured animal” larking about in Cavehill Park. So alarming were the reports that the local police force felt the need to fire up a helicopter and frantically search the area.

Turns out it was a large dog.

A very large dog by the sounds of it.

Now before you start to scoff at the silliness of the Irish, I'd just like to bring something to your esteemed attention. When I was six years old much hilarity was had on a family trip where I spotted a chow dog sitting in the back of a car and exclaimed excitedly for all to hear that I'd seen a lion. The laughter of my parents and siblings has haunted me for years. And I swore then that one day I would prove that it's an easy mistake to make. Well that day is today.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury I give you Exhibit A:

and Exhibit B:

I rest my case.

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