Monday, 15 September 2008

Life is a state of mind.

It seems fitting that as we here at “I Saw Elvis” wrap up our little “Mothman-a-thon” another, much grander event is about to start. That's right guys, in five days time the Mothman Festival 2008 kicks off in Point Pleasant for the seventh consecutive year. And best of all, it's still free to get in. The Mothman festival is really the place to go for all things Mothman related, whether it be talks with witnesses, tours, discussion groups or, erm, power lifting competitions (Gee note: No really, they have a power lifting competition at the Mothman festival. How crazy is that? It would be like going to a Bigfoot convention only to end up watching ducks operate heavy machinery.).

So as a finale to our Mothman coverage I've put together a little companion for the Festival. Brace yourselves folks, it's......

THE “I SAW ELVIS” SURVIVAL GUIDE TO THE MOTHMAN FESTIVAL.


During the course of the two day event you'll see many wonderful things my children. Sights your eyes may not believe. Like, for example, the amazing Turtleman. Now if you've never heard of the Turtleman allow me to explain. He isn't, disappointingly, a half-man half-turtle freak of nature. He is instead a toothless resident of Kentucky named Ernie Brown whose sole pleasure in life appears to be diving head first in to ponds full of snapping turtles, and then annoying the snot out of said turtles by grabbing them by the tail and flinging them on to dry land. Now the fact that these turtles are renowned for biting off fingers, toes, and every so often human genitalia, and that Ernie is stupid, crazy, brave enough to handle these things with his bare hands is certainly impressive. But, I hear you ask, does it make an entertaining show? Well allow me to answer that question with a question. What exactly was the consumption of alcohol invented for if not for this?

Also present at the festivities will be Miss Mothman 2008. Crowned 48 hours before the festival starts, Miss Mothman will be the winner of a beauty pageant whose duties will include attending various activities throughout the two days (Gee note: By the way, if your thinking of entering the pageant but are unsure of what you should do for the “talent” section, my advice would be to go the Stan Lee route and get bitten by a radioactive animal. That way, providing you don't die of radiation poisoning of course, you'll have some woovy berserk powers with which to wipe the floor with those other schmucks). You won't want to pass up the chance to meet this lovely young lady, whoever she may be.

Pop quiz hot shots, what's the one thing to make any event seem grand and fabulous? A ticker tape parade? Dancing bears? A lunar eclipse?

Wrong losers. The correct answer is KAREOKE. And The Mothman Festival 2008 will have it by the bucket load. For three hours a day none the less. Imagine it, people dressed in a dyed black bed sheet, wearing red goggles, singing “I believe I can fly” at the top of their lungs. Magic is not the word.

Speaking of which the traditional Mothman costume competition will be in full swing at 4pm on the Saturday. If that doesn't float your boat then four hours later the TNT Hayride kicks in to gear promising to be either eerie or full of music and fun depending on which part of the website you read (Gee note: Maybe it could be both? Like a Zombie playing show tunes on a banjo).

Now as daft as all this sounds it's exactly what I was looking for when I started all this. Because The Mothman used to genuinely scare me as a kid. I used to be terrified of the idea of a big winged monster, a creature with evil intentions. And to see a town like Point Pleasant, a town that was gripped in fear only 40 years ago by that very thing, go all daffy and silly and celebrate it's strange and wonderful history is..... well..... it's adorable. And it's made me smile. So now when that crazy moth comes calling at my window, banging its body against the glass, I won't be thinking of weird beasts and demonic fiends. No siree.

I'll be thinking of Miss Mothman 2008.

Here endeth Mothman-a-thon. We'll see you all again next year.

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