Wednesday, 15 October 2008

This is a time for serious people, Bob, and your fifteen minutes are up. My name is Andrew Shepherd, and I am the President.

Well it was bound to happen. After months upon months of resisting temptation to pass comment on the upcoming election for President of the United States of America, something has gone and forced me to. I mean I saw the following video a couple of months ago and not even that was enough to break my silence on the subject. Believe me, I thought I was safe.

(Gee Note: What the hell? McCainiacs? Did he just say McCainiacs?!?

Also, I love the bit where he talks about how “We watch WWE because it's about celebrating our freedom”. Please remember that the next time Vince McMahon airs a segment on national television depicting a terrorist attack against one of his wrestlers, when that very morning four suicide bombers have blown apart three underground trains and a bus in London, killing 52 people and injuring approximately 700 others. If that's how McCain celebrates “freedom” remind me to go to someone else's for Thanksgiving.)

But I should have known this whole “conscientious objector” stance was way too good to last. Because, unfortunately, election fever has finally got to me. And all it took was a bunch of crackpots on Youtube. A conspiracy theory so completely ridiculous that I simply have to say something about it. Here you go:

Isn't that fantastic?

No really, isn't it though?

For a start I love the guy who introduces the video. I mean anyone who calls themselves “Molotov Mitchell” is obviously trying way too hard. It would be like me calling myself “Fabulously well hung Gee” or “Writes Really Well Davies”. It just smacks of desperation. Anyway “Molotov” (Gee Note: Or “Molly” as I've taken to calling him in the past couple of hours) starts the video by telling us of his little hit squad's greatest hits. Namely that Obama kills babies, which I'm pretty sure is news to his 7 year old daughter Natasha, and that somehow “Black Liberation Theology” is evil. Black Theology is a combination of Liberation Theology and the beliefs that inspired the civil rights movement. Now if anyone out there honestly believes that a Christian theology that opposes the repression of ethnic minorities is a bad thing then, well, I think you've got the wrong idea about what makes someone evil.

Also when you start talking about about how your videos have reached “tens of millions of Americans this year” and the hit count on the video reads, er, 720,362 at the time of writing then you have to wonder if Mitchell is living in his own fantasy world. And in all honesty even that number is a bit of a misnomer. You could dress up a badger in a little ballerina outfit, call it “Barack Obama” and film yourself tickling it with a feather duster for five minutes and get a ton of viewers. Such is the level of interest in this years election.

Backing up the idea that Molly isn't all there is when he claims he's “not in to conspiracy theories”, despite the fact that he's the president of “Illuminati Productions”. (Gee Note: “You mean the secret Government supposedly manipulating world events to their own evil ends shares it's name with my production company? What a coincidence!”).

Anyway eventually they segue to an interview with Philip J. Berg. Berg has genuinely filed a lawsuit against Barack Obama ordering him to prove he was born in America. Like a guy who's accosted on the bus by a lunatic shouting “WHY IS THE SKY BLUE?!?!?!?!”, Barack has done the best thing he possibly could in this situation and smiled and nodded while hoping that eventually this nutter will go away.

Berg professes to have studied law for 37 years. Now, I'm no expert but surely the fundamental basis of Democratic law is that everybody is innocent until proven guilty, right? Well Berg is demanding that Obama produce his birth certificate in a court of law to prove he was born in the U.S. of A. Berg's evidence that Obama wasn't born in America? Ummm.... well.... his birth certificate looked a bit fake on the official Barack Obama website. That and Obama's sister called the hospital that he was born in by the wrong name. I don't know about you, but that really doesn't sound like an open and shut case to me. (Gee Note: By the way, I have absolutely no idea where my birth certificate is. Not even the faintest idea. So I honestly couldn't produce it if I was asked to. Does that mean that I too was born in Kenya as opposed to Morriston Hospital?).

Just in case you thought that Berg was just a crazy man with way too much time on his hands you'll be pleased to know he does a nice line in hypocrisy as well. He's bemoaning the fact that Obama's lawyers will have the case thrown out on a “technicality” rather than go to court and do something he is under no legal obligation to do. The irony is spellbinding.

I mean say for arguments sake the Berg is right. Obama, despite spending almost all of his life in America, despite being an American Citizen, despite graduating from Harvard Law School, despite marrying an American woman, despite fathering two American daughters, despite being red, white and blue through and through, could be stopped from running for President simply because his mother happened to be in another country when she gave birth? Sounds an awful lot like a technicality to me.

And the sad thing about all this is that some people may take it seriously and actually not vote for the person they think could be a better President. Or even worse not vote at all. And for what? So an insanely misguided lawyer can have “a moment in the sun”? So that conspracy nuts will have something to talk about in ten years time?

If you're reading this and have the ability to vote in the upcoming American general election then please do us, the rest of the World, a favour. Don't abstain from voting for Obama because he once attended a Muslim school, and don't abstain from voting for McCain because you think Sarah Palin is an awful ditz when it comes to parenting. Instead vote for who you want to. But please make sure that the criteria you use when choosing who to vote for is this. Vote for whoever you think would do the best job as the President of the most influential country in the World.

Trust me, get it right and the rest of the World will thank you for it.


Naveed said...

Unfortunately picking the best choice isn't as easy as it sounds. :( It'd be real funny though if one of the independent candidates lurking in the background somehow gains a foot hold and beats both of them. I'm doubtful that would happen since most of the U.S. is either Democrat or Republican. However in the end, the best one will hopefully be chosen.

Kait said...

I completely agree.

My grandfather has been trying to
convert me to Republican ever since I voted for Barack Obama in the primary election. I've tried explaining to him that it's not about who's a Republican or Democrat, it's what the individual person will do for the country.

He's explained[nicely] how I'm too young to understand, I couldn't possibly make an informed decision.
& all this is after I've listed reasons why I will vote for Obama.

I guess I'm just doing it because all of my friends are[which they aren't, none of them are even registered to vote, dammit].

Ugh, I could rant for days, but I won't.

Scumbagsam said...

Loving the long blog.. ranting is something i can get on board with. haha. McCainiac is probably one of the best nicknames ever.... I wish McCain was my last name now. crud!

Thanks for the comment on my blog. I know I should join a club or something. I think I will have to. I am just so lazy. But I will. I will. I will... :)


Gee said...

Naveed: I'm a card carrying member of the Liberal Democrats here in the UK so obviously my stance leans more to the left when it comes to politics. But I guess I'm still annoyed the exit polls in 2000 suggested that people voted for George W. Bush rather than Al Gore because "They'd rather have a beer with George W Bush." I mean c'mon. I'd love to have a beer with Ozzy Osbourne but I wouldn't want him running a country.

Kait: You rant if you want to. I've done my fair share already :)

Sam : I hear you about the laziness thing. I keep on finding an interest in something and promising myself I'll follow up on it but, alas, never do. Like magic tricks for example. Or wearing nice hats.

Naveed said...

Gee: I'm a registered independent because I really don't know which side I really trust. After having a democrat screw up for 8 years, and then a republican screw up for another 8, it's hard to choose.I will have to say that I think overall in the end Obama is gonna probably be better only because liberals have a better record of helping during financial problems like we are currently facing.