Friday, 21 November 2008

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Right I'm either bored, being boring, or both. Because the truth is I've sat around all day and accomplished a grand total of absolutely nothing. Time to shake myself out of this rut. But the question is “what to do”? I've already finished all my unread books, made an experimental lunch consisting of bacon and apple sauce, argued with a friend, and watched three episodes of Jerry Springer. What else is there on a gloomy Friday afternoon?

Wait! I've got it. Why don't we play a game?

Here are the rules: I'll post a picture of something and you have to guess what it is. Sound good? Yeah? OK then. Here's your first picture. Your time starts now.

Awww I know, it's adorable isn't it?

OK folks, time's up. Now did anyone say albino hedgehog? Well if you did then, um, you're wrong. Not about it being a hedgehog of course. But about it's colouring. Because it's not an albino at all. Instead it's an exceedingly rare blonde hedgehog. And, unlike 99% of the women in Playboy, this hedgehog's a natural.

OK next pic.

Spooky huh? So what do we reckon? An extra terrestrial? Some kind of government experiment gone horribly wrong? Well for anyone who said it's a Guitarfish feel free to award yourself five points. The Guitarfish are a family of rays who rank alongside the Umbrella Mouth Gulper Eel and the Leafy Sea Dragon as the weirdest looking things to come out of the sea.

Last one.

Who here is thinking smoke? Maybe from a fire in those reeds? Yeah me too.

Apparently though we'd be wrong. Because this ladies and gentlemen is a picture of the legendary Lake Worth Monster. Or a Goat Man. Or Bigfoot. Or something.

Allow me to explain. It was the summer of '69 (Gee Note: That would make a great song title wouldn't it? Let's just hope nobody like, oh I don't know, Bryan Adams decides to sing it though. That would be rubbish). The birds were singing, the bees were being bastards by landing on my jam buzzing, and young couples were driving around looking for a scenic spot to park up and, well, you know. One such place would have been the lake on the edge of Fort Worth, Texas.

Meet Mr and Mrs John Reichart. They were travelling alongside Lake Worth on July 10th that year when out of nowhere a large and savage beast leapt on to the bonnet of their car before heading off in to the surrounding foliage. This was no Deer, or Baboon even (Gee Note: Do they have baboon's in Texas? I mean I'm naturally inclined to believe that they don't, but I'm too lazy to check for sure. And, if I'm honest, the mental image of a Rhesus Monkey wearing a Stetson and drinking bourbon has amused me greatly. Monkeys are funny). Nay good reader, this was a giant, white furred, half man half goat. Oh, and if that wasn't enough, it was scaly. Like a fish.

Now as far as cryptids go that's pretty much as strange a description as you're likely to hear. I mean creatures like Nessie can at least be rationalised as being, as unbelievable as they might be, biologically sound. But fur like a polar bear? A face of a goat and the scales of a fish? The only way that the Lake Worth Monster could be crazier was if it was wearing a Groucho Marx mask as well.

But here's where the story gets stranger. The next morning the Fort Worth Star Telegram ran a story on the Reichart's close encounter. That evening a chap named Jack Harris was driving past the lake when the creature crossed the road in front of him. He saw it run up a hill where a group of around thirty other people, having been inspired by that morning's paper, joined him in observing this incredible oddity. That was until the Fish-Goat-Man (Gee Note: Worst. Super Hero. Ever. Special powers include an inability to survive on land and taking a bite out anything that doesn't move for three seconds) got a wee bit miffed at all the attention and threw a tire at the group, causing them to flee for their cars. Obviously monsters are a bit like Kanye West when it comes to their privacy.

Sightings continued throughout 1969. Although often times it appears that every little thing was attributed to the monster. For example a group of young men claimed that the beast jumped on to their car and hung on until it crashed in to a tree (Gee Note: "No sir *hic*. We 'aint been drinking. We been *hic* attacked by that great big monkey fish").

The last sighting of that year was on November 7th by Charles Buchanan. Buchanan was tucked up in his sleeping bag in the back of his pick up truck when the creature attacked him. Charlie threw a bag of chicken at the beast, which greedily grabbed it and took off towards the lake. (Gee Note: By the way I'd just like to point out. Pickup truck. Bag of chicken. Buchanan must have been a massive hit with the ladies).

At some point during that time period Allen Plaster took the above photo of what appears to be a white, um, something. And that's part of the problem with Lake Worth's little mystery. Despite it being one of the few sightings of strange creatures to be witnessed by multiple people at the same time, people who were by and large looking for the creature, the only picture we have is a unidentifiable blob. I mean people take photos and videos of the most ridiculously boring things like their children's first ice cream or a pet dog wearing a hat. Are we to seriously believe that out of numerous sightings with multiple people who were specifically there to see the creature, we'd only get one picture? Somehow I doubt it.

It should be worth noting that Plaster himself believes that the photo is nothing more than a prankster in a suit. And sadly with a lack of solid evidence to counter balance that argument it's difficult not to agree with him. Because despite it being analysed time and time again, we still don't know what exactly is in that photo.

And so therefore, with a sneaking suspicion that the monster of Lake Worth might not be on the level, there's no other choice than to call an end to this particular game. Game over, man.

Game over.


Naveed said...

That reminds me of a particular cryptozoologist I ran into once. Took blurry photos of, well stuff. Anyways he tried passing them off as bigfoot and aliens. Yeah...they were zoomed in shots of leaves. He claimed that since he took photo analysis at the Air Force academy, I wasn't qualified to judge his pictures, despite having taken plenty of photography classes myself.

THOMAS said...

This was no Deer, or Baboon even (Gee Note: Do they have baboon's in Texas? I mean I'm naturally inclined to believe that they don't, but I'm too lazy to check for sure. And, if I'm honest, the mental image of a Rhesus Monkey wearing a Stetson and drinking bourbon has amused me greatly. Monkeys are funny).

I think the last Baboon sighting in Texas was on Nov 22, 2008 at the Double Wide in Dallas by way of Denton, TX.