Thursday, 26 March 2009

If this isn't an insanely beautiful woman, I'm hangin' up.

Man, it's not been a great week so far.

For a start one of the guinea pigs passed away yesterday. We found Thor, the more outgoing of the two, stiff as a board in the late afternoon. He hadn't shown any signs of being ill previously and the other guinea pig Loki appears perfectly healthy, so as you can imagine it came as a bit of a shock. Only a couple of days before I had been feeding them some dried food when Thor nudged himself against my fingers, wanting me to feed him by hand. He was bright, bubbly, and would seemingly enjoy irritating me by standing on the dustpan and brush while I was trying to clean his hutch.

I know it sounds daft but I'm going to really miss that little guy.

It seems to be the week for it. About six days ago my laptop decided to pack in, having gone from "barely serviceable" to "doorstop" in one swift motion. I mean it didn't even explode or flash up a sign saying "Warning!!!!! This laptop is dangerously close to severely narking you off". It just stopped working, to the point where it won't even boot up anymore. The good news is it forced me to buy a brand spanking new laptop with, get this, an inbuilt webcam. Having never owned a recording camera of any description before, words can not describe how excited I am by this. Seriously, I've been walking around like Howard Hughes for the past couple of days (Gee Note: By that I mean bellowing about making movies while striding around my house, not locking myself away for four months in a screening room, wearing no clothes and urinating into milk bottles. I don't really need a webcam to do that). I'm playing around with the idea of doing an "I Saw Elvis" video cast. Or Vlog as they're apparently called. I don't know, we'll see what happens. I was once told that I have a face for radio and a voice for mime, so it might not be that good an idea.

The bad side to all of this is that I've lost everything stored on my laptop's hard drive. Now being a man who, despite claims to the contrary on his C.V., is about as organised as a stampede then it's not that big of a deal. I mean there really wasn't much on there in the first place. Well that was until two days before the laptop died when a wonderful woman by the name of Bonnie Fairbrass sent me an email completely out of the blue. Contained in said correspondence was a picture of Elvis in the woods. Well ok, not really. It was photo of a tree stump with something vaguely resembling the face of Elvis carved in to it. Regardless it was pretty groovy, and I planned to send a thank you note to this benevolent soul and enquire if she would mind me using it on the blog. Sadly when the laptop went down it took both the picture and Bonnie's return address with it. So Bonnie, if you're reading this, then thank you for the pic. It was very much appreciated and succeeded in making me chuckle.

Another not so great thing due to the above mentioned hardware failure is that I'm behind on everything I should be doing. For example, a clothing company called Iffyton sent me a t-shirt at the start of the week, the idea being it would be free and gratis if I reviewed it on the blog. The reason I offered to do it? Well one, I'm a sucker for the word "free", and two I have absolutely no idea how to review a t-shirt. A television show sure. A movie maybe. But a t-shirt? Not a clue (Gee Note: My initial idea. "Dude, look at this T-shirt. It looks pretty cool right? Well it looks cool in real life as well. Go and buy one." Somehow I don't think that's going to make the grade). So I kinda looked at it as a challenge, and after I've caught up with everything I'll post whatever I come up with here. Hey, maybe I could turn it in to a regular feature? Come to "I Saw Elvis" for the questionable reports on aliens, stay for the reviews of men's slacks. Perhaps not.

Speaking of aliens, the British Ministry Of Defence recently released it's third batch of UFO reports over the weekend in line with the Freedom of Information Act (Gee Note: Which is amazing when you think about it. I mean of all the things that could have been requested, such as "Who's the bastard responsible for the credit crunch?" for example, what do we get instead? Aliens. It's like a large section of our beloved nation's public collectively went "Screw priorities. I want to know what they know about UFOs". I don't know, I think that's kind of magical).

Ever since the government started releasing the official MoD UFO reports two things have become painfully obvious. One is that the MoD really couldn’t give a toss as to what exactly is flying around Britain’s skies. Honestly, they don‘t care. You know that bit out of Independence Day where that nervous technician spies the Alien spacecraft heading towards Earth on a radar, a promptly wakes his superior up at 4 am to tell him? And the superior rushes out of bed and down to the office, alerting the President, the FBI, the CIA, the National Guard, the Marines, the East Brooklyn sowing circle, and everybody in between? Well here’s how that scene would have happened if it was the MoD.

Phone rings

Nervous Guy: C’mon, c’mon pick up. C’mon please pick up.

Superior: Hello?

Nervous Guy: Sir, you have to get down here. Now!

Superior: Have you lost your mind Jenkins? It’s 4 in the morning.

Nervous Guy: Sir, you don’t understand. We have contact with… with… with extra terrestrials. And they’re heading this way.

Superior: Oh. Hmmm. Say have they blown anything up yet?

Nervous Guy: Ummm no.

Superior: Abducted any livestock?

Nervous Guy: No.

Superior: Have they sent a threatening message in anyway?

Nervous Guy: Sir I really do think that…

Superior: Have they?

Nervous Guy: No.

Superior: Well then be a good chap and hang up the phone would you?

Seriously, out of all the reports released so far, even the most interesting ones were simply recorded and then ignored. The MoD, after ruling out either a war plane or a terrorist missile, just mark it down as a UFO and move on.

The second thing to note is that the British public are as mad as a sack full of badgers. No really take the following account as reported by the BBC.

In November 1989 a "completely terrified" woman contacted RAF Wattisham in Suffolk to report her close encounter with a man claiming to be an alien.

She said she met the fair-haired man with a Scandinavian-type accent as she walked her dog on a sports field.

He told her crop circles were caused by others like him who had travelled to Earth and that the purpose of his visit was friendly.

He then said he had spoken to her because he felt it was important to have contact with humans even though he was told not to.

Hmmm. Scandinavian? Fair haired? Claims to be an alien? That sounds familiar…

With the same report was this picture, drawn by a person who claimed to have spotted the object in Hemworth, Yorkshire, in 1988.

Is it just me or does it look like two screwball ice creams glued to a cheeseboard?

(Gee Note: It’s just occurred to me that I haven’t had a screwball since I was about six years old. This must be remedied as quickly as possible). Now one would assume that with all this talk and media coverage about these MoD reports Britain would be the talk of UFO world for a couple of days at least. But, alas our cousins across the pond have trumped us yet again.

Rob emailed me this morning. Apparently Generation Minus One’s other creative force and Rob’s fiancĂ© Jenny sent him a link from the states instructing that he should, and I quote, “send this to Gee IMMEDIATELY”. It turns out Jenny had been looking up recent news items from her hometown area when she found this little nugget in, of all things, The Daily Torygraph Telegraph.

Google Earth seems to be rather popular at the moment. So you would think I would actually know what it is. But to be honest I haven’t a clue. It must be good though, as my sister sent me a text message the other day telling me she was fascinated by it. All I know is it’s something to do with satellite imaging where you can view relatively detailed images of Earth from the comfort of your own office or home.

Well it turns out that if you go and visit the town of Berkley Heights in New Jersey using Google Earth you’ll find this.

That’s right folks what you see is… a turkey holding a lightsaber. Or it could be Gonzo from the Muppets with a laser pen. Or it could be an alien, as is suggested by the numerous ufologists asked to comment on the picture.

And that’s part of the problem with pics like this. They’re so grainy and inconclusive that you are allowed to see what you want to see. You want to see an alien? You’ve got it. But if you want to see a ghost, a child wearing a blue jumper, or a reflection from a window, you’ll see that too. My guess is this won’t be the last time we see something like this from Google Earth. And woe betide us when Google Earth updates and an image that’s been pimped on websites as being an alien, or a dinosaur, or Jimmy Hoffa gets removed. I can hear the shouts of “government cover-up!” already.

But the question I guess is, “Would an extra terrestrial being really be found in New Jersey?”. Well NJ is sure as heckfire an odd place, what with the Gates of Hell in Clifton, the Devil of the Pine Barrens, and people who will tell you quite forcefully that New Jersey was home to the first recorded Baseball game in history. But an alien?

You know, for once I’m going to say “Sure. Why not?”. I mean if there are extra terrestrials on Earth, then NJ would be as good a place as any for them to be. It would actually explain an awful lot.

And to be honest, with all that’s gone on this week, I’m starting to think that anything’s possible.

1 comment:

narayanan said...

i love to see aliens, but i never seen a UFO since