Sunday, 23 January 2011

Height is in the eye of the beholder.

(Gee Note: Hello. The link for Educate-Yourself.Org and the inspiration for this post was supplied by J. Thomas of The Caffeine Curve. So be a dear and pop over there to leave a nice comment. Or don't. Whatever. I can't force you to I guess. But you should know that this isn't like the movies pal. Mavericks like you don't make it very far in this business. If you don't want to play be the rules then the powers that be will find someone else who will. You mark my words).

You can't trust the internet.

For example have a look at this video.

It's description claims it's a blooper from "Casanova Video Dating Service". But it's not. It's actually the work of a comedy sketch group called "Selected Hilarity" made at some point during 2007. Even if it wasn't clearly labelled as such the prat fall at the end would be a dead give-away that it was staged. Never the less a lot of people on Youtube are convinced it's genuine and that Steven Morris really is a loser in love with anger management issues.

Now bare all that in mind when considering the following. This statement was, until recently , hosted on

The Discovery Channel MUST broadcast to the world their commitment to save the planet and to do the following IMMEDIATELY:

1. The Discovery Channel and it's affiliate channels MUST have daily television programs at prime time slots based on Daniel Quinn's "My Ishmael" pages 207-212 where solutions to save the planet would be done in the same way as the Industrial Revolution was done, by people building on each other's inventive ideas. Focus must be given on how people can live WITHOUT giving birth to more filthy human children since those new additions continue pollution and are pollution. A game show format contest would be in order. Perhaps also forums of leading scientists who understand and agree with the Malthus-Darwin science and the problem of human overpopulation. Do both. Do all until something WORKS and the natural world starts improving and human civilization building STOPS and is reversed! MAKE IT INTERESTING SO PEOPLE WATCH AND APPLY SOLUTIONS!!!!

2. All programs on Discovery Health-TLC must stop encouraging the birth of any more parasitic human infants and the false heroics behind those actions. In those programs' places, programs encouraging human sterilization and infertility must be pushed. All former pro-birth programs must now push in the direction of stopping human birth, not encouraging it.

3. All programs promoting War and the technology behind those must cease. There is no sense in advertising weapons of mass-destruction anymore. Instead, talk about ways to disassemble civilization and concentrate the message in finding SOLUTIONS to solving global military mechanized conflict. Again, solutions solutions instead of just repeating the same old wars with newer weapons. Also, keep out the fraudulent peace movements. They are liars and fakes and had no real intention of ending the wars. ALL OF THEM ARE FAKE! On one hand, they claim they want the wars to end, on the other, they are demanding the human population increase. World War II had 2 Billion humans and after that war, the people decided that tripling the population would assure peace. WTF??? STUPIDITY! MORE HUMANS EQUALS MORE WAR!

4. Civilization must be exposed for the filth it is. That, and all its disgusting religious-cultural roots and greed. Broadcast this message until the pollution in the planet is reversed and the human population goes down! This is your obligation. If you think it isn't, then get hell off the planet! Breathe Oil! It is the moral obligation of everyone living otherwise what good are they??

(Gee Note: The list of demands has been edited because it goes on forever and, really, there's only so much crazy I can take at any one time).

11. You're also going to find solutions for unemployment and housing. All these unemployed people makes me think the US is headed toward more war.

Humans are the most destructive, filthy, pollutive creatures around and are wrecking what's left of the planet with their false morals and breeding culture.

For every human born, ACRES of wildlife forests must be turned into farmland in order to feed that new addition over the course of 60 to 100 YEARS of that new human's lifespan! THIS IS AT THE EXPENSE OF THE FOREST CREATURES!!!! All human procreation and farming must cease!

It is the responsiblity of everyone to preserve the planet they live on by not breeding any more children who will continue their filthy practices. Children represent FUTURE catastrophic pollution whereas their parents are current pollution. NO MORE BABIES! Population growth is a real crisis. Even one child born in the US will use 30 to a thousand times more resources than a Third World child. It's like a couple are having 30 babies even though it's just one! If the US goes in this direction maybe other countries will too!

Also, war must be halted. Not because it's morally wrong, but because of the catastrophic environmental damage modern weapons cause to other creatures. FIND SOLUTIONS JUST LIKE THE BOOK SAYS! Humans are supposed to be inventive. INVENT, DAMN YOU!!

The world needs TV shows that DEVELOP solutions to the problems that humans are causing, not stupify the people into destroying the world. Not encouraging them to breed more environmentally harmful humans.

Saving the environment and the remaning species diversity of the planet is now your mindset. Nothing is more important than saving them. The Lions, Tigers, Giraffes, Elephants, Froggies, Turtles, Apes, Raccoons, Beetles, Ants, Sharks, Bears, and, of course, the Squirrels.

(Gee Note: Well of course. I mean the squirrel thing goes without saying really.)

Now a shrewd eye would look at this and probably come to the conclusion that it was the concoction of a satirical rogue, composed purely to illustrate the insanity of Eco-terrorists. The use of phrases such as "INVENT, DAMN YOU!!!", "Froggies", and the fact that the rant is largely directed at the Discovery Channel, (Gee Note: Which, let's face it isn't exactly the most evil corporation in the world. Creepy maybe, especially that guy off Mythbusters who always wears a beret. But not balls out, moustache sporting, cloak wearing, cackling at lightening evil) would suggest that this is nothing more than a well constructed parody.

However, this is not case. Indeed the chap who wrote this was called James Lee. If that name sounds familiar it's because on September 1 2010 Lee stormed the Discovery Communications building in Maryland armed with two starter pistols and with a bomb strapped to his chest. Taking three people hostage, Lee was eventually shot and killed by police after a four hour stand-off.

The point is, as far as the internet goes you never can tell. Anyone who has looked at any message board for more than three minutes will be aware of the existence of trolls (Gee Note: For the benefit of my dad, "trolls" are people who post contrary or obtuse opinions on online forums just to get a reaction out of other users. They're not big hairy things that live under bridges and eat goats.). Indeed, stating something you don't personally hold to be true just for the hell of it is actually a common practice on the world wide web. Which brings us to the website Educate-Yourself.Org. You see, when it comes to something like Educate-Yourself.Org, it's actually quite difficult to tell if it's on the level or not.

It all kicks off sensibly enough. " is a free educational forum dedicated to the dissemination of accurate information in the use of natural, non-pharmaceutical medicines and alternative healing therapies in the treatment of disease conditions." (Gee Note: Hmm. OK Jack. Alternative medicine. Not my bag but, you know, whatever. A friend of mine once told me that they had cured their snoring by sticking a special candle in their ear and lighting it. No really. If it wasn't for the fact that I'm convinced I'd accidentally set fire to my hair I'd try it myself.) But then it takes a dramatic turn.

"Free Energy, Earth Changes, and the growing reality of Big Brother are also explored since survival itself in the very near future may well depend on self acquired skills to face the growing threats of bioterrorism, emerging diseases, and the continuing abridgement of constitutional liberties." (Gee Note: And people laughed when I spent $800 on that bright yellow Hazmat suit. Well it just goes to show who the “crazy” one really is, doesn't it? How else am I supposed to protect myself from bioterrorism? A tin foil hat can only do so much, you know. Also the colour brings out my eyes. Hey, there's no law saying you can't avoid the apocalypse and look positively fierce at the same time. Rawr.).

The thing is, if Eudcate-Yourself.Org is genuine then it stands to reason that whoever wrote it is batshit crazy. I mean they find conspiracies everywhere. Paying for drugs? Well that's because the pharmaceutical companies won't tell you about the free ways you can cure yourself. (Gee Note: Such as the section that says "Germany's 90 year old Dr Joanna Budwig, nominated 6 times for the Nobel Prize, has made the most remarkable discovery of them all! After 30 years of research, she has found that 2 simple food items: 1. Flax Seed Oil (cold-pressed, unprocessed) and 2. Low Fat Cottage Cheese will CURE or prevent many forms of cancers and a long list of other degenerative disease including cardiovascular diseases and skin diseases!". Which of course sounds impressive, except for the fact that A) Her name is Johanna not Joanna. B) The treatment above has never been clinically proven to be of any benefit when fighting cancer. And C) The list of nominations for a Nobel Prize are never announced publicly, and the nominees are never informed they are being considered. So, really, anyone could claim they've been nominated for one. In fact I've been short listed for the Nobel Prize for being Awesome seventeen time in a row. Suck on that Budwig).

And it continues in much the same vain. Still putting gas in your car? Well that's because the evil oil barons are forcing you to buy their resources off them when you could simply use tap water instead (Gee Note: Which you can't really but nevermind). Concerned over the possibility of terrorist attacks in the wake of 9/11? Well don't be, as 9/11 was an inside job orchestrated by "the Zionists" anyway. Live near a cell phone tower? Well you might want to think about moving as that cell phone tower is actually used to transmit radio waves directly in to your brain by shadowy government agents obsessed with controlling your mind.

In fact the entire section devoted to mind control might be my favourite part. Largely because it starts out with "The topic of mind control is elaborate, multifaceted, and multi layered. For the casual reader, it can quickly become numbing, overwhelming the senses and creating a desire to exit the topic, but avoiding this subject is the most foolish thing you could possibly do since your only chance of surviving this hideous and insidious enslavement agenda, which today threatens virtually all of humanity, is to understand how it functions and take steps to reduce your vulnerability". (Gee Note: See? How awesome is that? I should start out every post I write with something similar. "What you're about to read may initially come across as unfunny and poorly written. But it's actually a brilliant piece that will change your life for the better. It's important you treat it as such because if you don't then a bloody great big dragon will come from the sky and urinate all over your front door. And then point and laugh. And then take a photo on his iPhone and send it to all his dragon friends, who will text back things like "LOL" and "OMFG hahahahaha". Just think how embarrassed you'd be, knowing that a bunch of dragons are mocking you).

So now that you've been instructed to ignore how ludicrous it is and carry on reading regardless, the article continues. "The first phase of government mind control development grew out of the old occult techniques which required the victim to be exposed to massive psychological and physical trauma, usually beginning in infancy, in order to cause the psyche to shatter into a thousand alter personalities which can then be separately programmed to perform any function (or job) that the programmer wishes to"install". Each alter personality created is separate and distinct from the front personality. The 'front personality' is unaware of the existence or activities of the alter personalities. Alter personalities can be brought to the surface by programmers or handlers using special codes, usually stored in a laptop computer. The victim of mind control can also be affected by specific sounds, words, or actions known as triggers. "

"The second phase of mind control development was refined at an underground base below Fort Hero on Montauk , Long Island (New York) and is referred to as the Montauk Project. The earliest adolescent victims of Montauk style programming, so called Montauk Boys, were programmed using trauma-based techniques, but that method was eventually abandoned in favor of an all-electronic induction process which could be "installed" in a matter of days (or even hours) instead of the many years that it took to complete trauma-based methods."

OK, for a start I think you're confusing "Mind Control" with the now defunct television show "Dollhouse". In real life it turns out you can't tap your fingers on a keyboard and turn a sweet old lady in to a bezerk, slathering, hockey mask wearing serial killer. Secondly forcing children to watch a puppy being shot in the face several times in a row will almost certainly leave them traumatised, but it is no more likely to create split personalties any more than it will inspire said child to become an astronaut. Thirdly, just by saying there's an underground base in Montauk dedicated to messing with people's heads doesn't automatically make it true. It's a bit like walking around telling people that Jennifer Love Hewitt and I have been involved in a heavy whirlwind romance for the past three months. I mean, sure, we're both young and attractive. And we both like sushi. But really there's nothing going on between us. Largely because she won't return my phone calls and keeps changing her number. That and the restraining order.

Now you would think that such sweeping statements would require hard evidence to back them up. Which, I guess, is why the case of Brice Taylor is cited. According to Educate-Yourself...

“Brice Taylor is the pseudonym for Susan Ford... who (under the influence of mind control) was used as a sex slave and message (or drug) courier for every president from Kennedy to Clinton and was Henry Kissinger's personal secretary/human computer (file storage and retrieval) for over 19 years. Her 'owner/handler' was comedian Bob Hope and she was 'loaned out' to many famous and well known entertainment personalities in order to oblige them to be beholding to and manipulated by Hope and his Illuminati pals so they could be used as "worker bees' to help usher in the Luciferian, New World Order.”

Hang on. Wait. What? Bob Hope? The Bob Hope? Popular golf loving comedian Bob Hope? Hired out the same woman to every U.S. President between Kennedy and Clinton for them to do the sex with? Which presumably would include Ronald Reagan? The man who once called Princess Diana "Princess David" while he was toasting her, and who claimed Margaret Thatcher was "The best man in England"? The very same Ronald Reagan who once said "facts are stupid things"? And this man was supposed to be able to keep this deep and dark conspiracy a secret? I don't know about you but I see a fatal flaw in this plan. Also Taylor was allegedly born in 1953, which would have made her 8 years old during Kennedy's first year in office. Now think about that for two seconds. Nobody, not one single person amongst the entire White House staff, would have noticed an eight year old with lifeless eyes hanging around day after day for no reason at all. Also why the hell would JFK want to sexually abuse a eight year old girl? After all the man was allegedly making the beast with two backs with Marilyn Monroe. And Edith Campbell. And Mary Pinchot Meyer. And Gunilla Von Post. And he was married to Jackie O. Plus he was President for two years before getting his head blown off by Lee Harvey Oswald. And now we learn that he was also messing around with slave girls whose brains had been scrambled. Where the hell did the man find the time? I can barely squeeze in making and eating a bacon sandwich most days, let alone anything else. And I don't run an economic super-power.

It's OK though. Kennedy (Gee Note: Or “The sick peodo bastard” as The UK Sun newspaper would probaby call him if they picked up this story, before presenting the reader with a topless picture of “Trixy, 17” and commenting on what lovely knockers she has) got what was coming to him thanks to Oswald, who in this light I suppose is some sort of pro-freedom anti-slavery hero. Except, well, no. Not so much. Because as the article explains, “Ted Bundy, the 'Son of Sam' serial killer David Berkowitz, Oswald, Timothy McVeigh, the Columbine shooters, Chapman, Sirhan Sirhan, etc. were mind controlled individuals who were programmed to perform these killings”.

Right. I'll be honest with you. I'm completely f***ing lost. Why would somebody be programmed to kill John F. Kennedy if he was part of the sodding plot anyway? In fact, why would anyone be programmed to kill other people in the first place? I mean, Jesus, what's the end-game here? It doesn't make sense. It would be one thing if these people where sent on highly secret missions to assassinate foreign leaders or something. But to be conditioned to kill regular citizens for no good reason what so ever is, well, it's mind-boggling.

And that's the thing about Educate-Yourself.Org. For all it's bluster and bombast, and for all it's claims of bad men doing bad things, there's never any hard evidence or logic behind it. It's always something along the lines of “Televisions are actually remotely controlled by a group of highly intelligent midgets, who use hidden cameras in the screens to spy on you!”, without ever going in to details about how or why they would do this outside of the stock answer of, “because they're evil”. Which, as anyone over the age of five who has studied history will tell you, is an answer likely to get you a grade “F” come school test time.

Which leads me to believe that it must certainly be a joke. A well considered pastiche of all the barking followers of David Icke and such. Because despite it's authoritative tone all it does is throw around some wild accusations that are about as reliable as Lindsay Lohan promising she'll stay away from the nightclubs this time. Not one single conspiracy theory put forward here is made to look even remotely plausable. I mean sure you could argue that, as I'm not a fan of conspiracy theories to begin with, then I'm pre-disposed to discredit them anyway. But I can't even do that because there's actually nothing to discredit. Zip. Nadda. Instead what you have is words randomely thrown together like "Government... assault on civil liberties... HAARP... mind control... Illuminati... what they don't want you to know" all left hanging out there like leaves in the wind, seperated from reality.This website doesn't so much expose the truth as present a radically fictionalized version of it.

And that alone makes me think it can't possibly be written by someone who genuinely believes what they type. It's not a genuine call to arms against enslavement by nefarious overlords, anymore than the frustrated video dater is a genuine sad sack looking for a date.

I mean it couldn't really be real, could it?