Wednesday, 30 March 2011

In Okinawa, all Miyagi know two things: fish and karate.

Well now. It’s been a while hasn’t it? Sorry about that. There’s a lot of stuff to catch up on. Such as DC Comics shutting down the entire comments section of its website after an argument about who would win a foot race between Superman and The Flash got out of hand (Gee Note: No really. Insane isn’t it? Imagine getting bent out of shape about something like that. Especially when everyone knows The Flash would leave Kal-El’s Kryptonian ass in the dust. Anyone who thinks otherwise is just a GODDAM FRICKIN’ MORON!!!!!1!!!!1!). Bigfoot was caught on video again, the fame hungry whore that he is. A monster was seen in Lake Windermere that could have been a Plesiosaur or a car tire depending on which newspaper you read. I became a father to a healthy baby girl who has a smile that melts her daddy’s heart. Oh and the Apocalypse started. 

Well it did according to our old friend Maggador. 

It’s been a while since we checked in with Maggy. For the uninitiated, Edward Alexander – AKA Maggador IX-777 – announced himself to the world two years ago with a series of YouTube videos in which he claimed to be an alien. Despite the fact that he looked an awful lot like a bonkers Scandinavian and not really like a little green man, Mr. Alexander generated quite the online following. In the following two years Eddie has distanced himself from the whole “extra-terrestrial” thing and has instead promoted himself as a spiritual leader of sorts, raging against The Illuminati and imploring his brothers and sisters to join a mystical revolution.  Which I think is a massive shame. I mean crazy alien guy with a monkey was all sorts of entertaining. Weird beardy guy telling you they’re all out to get you? No. Not so much. 

Anyway earlier this month Eddie took to Facebook to unleash his latest battle cry. Wanna see it? Sure you do. Wanna see me make snarky comments as we go? You do? Well shucks, if you insist…

AND SO IT BEGINS - AS IT ENDS: THE COMING TIMES (Gee Note: Which is better than the working title “Dear Idiots”).

We are living in very critical times. Only the ones winning be battle between good and evil will reveal the outcome. (Gee Note: Suck it News Of The World. No scoops for you).

As of now, there is a lot of pressure and forces from the Negative entities, as they are pushing towards major destructions and disasters. (Gee Note: Positive entities are pushing towards free bacon sandwiches for all and for The Rock to lay a beating on John Cena at Wrestlemania. Or World peace. I don’t know. I’ve read a lot today and I get confused as to which bit came from where).

Like I have earlier prophesized, we now see that: Great destruction with Earthquakes, Volcanoes, Tsunamis, Climate Changes, Coming Ice Age, Solar Flares on the way, Change in Earth’s axis and position in the sky, Pole Shifts, both magnetically and geologically.  And the Super moon coming now, March 19, which could further affect the state of the world and events here. (Gee Note: Or it could just lead to a lot of people going “Oooh doesn’t the moon look super tonight?” on social networking sites. Speaking of which, in my absence both Charlie Sheen and Rebecca Black became huge stars on Twitter. Jesus people. I leave you alone for two minutes.)

What is likely to come now, is first of all more Earthquakes, in USA as well very soon, more Tsunamis and storms, increased solar flares and the destructions that will drag along, effects of the moon on earth, and effects of a celestial body getting closer to earth that can cause great changes – possibly a binary star, a brown dwarf. (Gee Note: Or a giant fiery duck. Why not?  Makes about as much sense as the other two).

What we see is the effects of the spiritual war, the cause behind all this, many negative entities trying to make all these horrible actions and events take place, but also there are good out there, entities working against the negative energies, trying to balance it all back. (Gee Note: The negative entities are led by a chap named Palpatine who can fire lightning bolts out of his hands. The positive entities are led by a 19 year old kid who is being aided by a small, green, walnut faced rabbit who talks kinda funny, the ghost of Alec Guinness, and a bunch of teddy bears with anger management issues. Place your bets now folks). 

Some losses are to be expected, many will die, and this is needed due to a major overpulation (Gee Note: Say what now?) that will just get worse. This is the natures way of cleansing, people experiencing the negative events first hand are for the most part already chosen in the way that they have unresolved karmic debt to balance out. (Gee Note: Oh will we ever be free of this global debt crisis? First I can’t get a mortgage and now I’m going to die a horrible death with flames and shit. Bloody bankers. Arseholes the lot of them).

We are all responsible for what happens to us, we cannot blame it on others we are in control of our own lives (Gee Note: This is getting dangerously close to turning in to an advert for a new shampoo. I swear you're about to see Maggy running along a beach in slow motion while the voice over says "Live your life the way you want to"). The way you live your life, determines the outcome for you. Those whom will be safe, deserved to be safe, just as those whom perish, deserve to perish, in the greater schemes of this battle.

Hard times will be ahead for many – quite many. In the coming months, starting this month, it will escalate and get much worse. (Gee Note: You’re not kidding. A new season of Dancing With The Stars has just started and we’ll be stuck with it until the summer it seems. Now I love Ralph Macchio as much as the next man but, c’mon now, there’s a reason Mister Miyagi never forced him to dress up in a sparkly jacket and fox trot across his kitchen as a cheap alternative to hiring a cleaner)

But even in the horror (Gee Note: *whispers* The horror), and that which seems terrifying , there is a blessing.

The blessing is that once the major fire have swept upon us, those whom are to die have died, and those whom are to survive have survived, we are much more balanced. (Gee Note: Unless you happen to be Mother Teresa and you’re on a see-saw with Hermann Goering at the time of the great cleansing. I mean, I’m guessing one of them isn’t making it out of it alive. Yeah that’s right. Take that you tea-towel wearing harlot). 

Negative energies will be decreased, and positive energies increased. The good always triumph the bad, and the bad will always loose in the end, since they are already on a path leading them to their own destruction. (Gee Note: Tsk. That’s what you get for buying the cheapest SatNav in the store.)

The few surviving, are those deserving so. The ones to perish, deserve so. This is not because the survivors are “better” or the dying are “worse”, it is simply a spiritual measure selecting the ones whom are more appropriate to continue the great work of rebuilding humanity in pure ways, with as little perversation (Gee Note: Perversation? Is that… you know I’m not sure that’s actually a word) and evil as possible, remove the ignorant, and let those whom understand and will work for the greater good survive. (Gee Note: Hang on, we’re talking about repopulating the human race and you’re saying rather than look after those of us with important skill sets or high intelligence, the powers that be will ignore them in favour of someone who thinks the f***ing world is carried on the back of a giant turtle or something. I don’t think you’ve got this right). 

Rid yourself of negative karma, cleanse yourself, forgive yourself for all that you have done to others (Gee Note: You know I’ve been racked with guilt about the time I accidentally ran over that old lady and then buried her body in the woods to avoid a jail sentence. But you’re right. I should just let it go. Everyone makes mistakes don't they? What am I? A saint?), and accept that they forgive you in turn, and you will be fine. Just know that you can be what you should have been, a great contribution to the strength of the world and how to help yourself and others on the new path ahead.

Forgive, release and let go. And you are on your way toward the better half of survivors, protected by divine means, by your own subconscious mind and manifesting powers, and your heart of love and compassion (Gee Note: Also if you can unblock a sink, that’ll be handy).

Fear not – Get up and do something for yourself and your brethrens. (Gee Note: Like sending me your credit card details so I can go and buy a speedboat, for example).

We shall move on, we shall win the battle, we shall conquer and take back what is ours. (Gee Note: Freeeeeeeeeeeeeedoooooommmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Down with tyranny, Dethrone the false Kings. (Gee Note: Rodney, Larry, Don, Burger, Kong. You’re all at the top of the list you overlord bastards you)

I have seen the Past, I see the Present, I saw the Future. (Gee Note: And at some point I learnt how to be all kinds of wizard with my grammatical tenses. This playa can play homes.)

May these words go with you. (Gee Note: You know, like a stalker). 


So there we go. The end is nigh. And if you become a hippy and maybe send Maggador some money so he can continue to spread the good word, you might be saved. Or not. Whatever. The point isn’t whether or not the world is going to end. The point is that, thanks to our little bundle of joy, I took two months off from this kind of thing and have come back to find that it’s still as awesome as its always been.

I don’t know why, but that makes me very happy.